Unexpected Corners
by Sullen Siren
Summary: James was becoming a joyless, do-gooding prat and Sirius was getting right tired of it."  Sirius and Remus discuss the situation.  slash


Title: Unexpected Corners (Working Title)

Author: Sullen Siren

Summary:  James is spending all his time with Lily, and Sirius is damned tired of it.

Rating: PG/PG-13ish

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of value. Characters belong to JK Rowling and the titans of Scholastic and such. This is just me swimming in their pond for a bit.

Note:  Sirus/Remus with brief mentions of James/Lily and Snape/Lily.  Mostly an exercise in writing the mind of an obnoxious teenage boy, and writing a first kiss story.  Much thanks to VictoriaP for the Beta.

**Unexpected Corners**

"Here's a rule of thumb:

Too clever, is dumb."

-- Ogden Nash

James was becoming a joyless, do-gooding prat and Sirius was getting right tired of it. It wasn't that he couldn't understand - he could, very well. Evans was a bloody nice piece - couldn't blame Prongs for towing the line a bit to please her. Hell, he'd put on a halo for a few weeks himself. But it was going on more than three months now, and enough was just enough. Three months! Not to mention mooning over her the entire summer. It had been impossible to hold a proper owl correspondence with him. (The last letter Sirius got gotten had Lily's name thirty seven times. He'd counted. Twice.)

And it was interfering in the proper order of things now. James was always off with Evan, helping sick orphans, or blind baby birds or something, leaving Sirius with nothing to do. He was so bloody bored he'd taken to actually studying. Professor Binns had almost had a heart attack when Sirius actually asked for extra credit work. Or he would have, if he hadn't been already dead.

It was time this nonsense ended, and he was going to see to it that it did, come hell or high water. It was time he and James had it out.

It was somewhat deflating and immensely irritating when no one was in the common room to witness his melodramatically stomping in. Only Remus was there, nose firmly planted in a dusty book he was taking notes from with steady deliberation. If he saw Sirius he gave no sign of it.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly, crossing his arms firmly over his chest and glaring at Remus. Remus ignored him - or possibly didn't hear. He was deaf as a stone whenever he felt he probably wouldn't enjoy whatever was about to be said. It amused James to no end how much that particular trait annoyed Sirius.

He tapped a foot loudly against the floor - no mean feat atop the rug - and cleared his throat again, more loudly. Remus paused, tapping his quill against his cheek to the same rhythm as Sirius' foot. He still didn't bother to look at Sirius. "You should go to the Hospital wing and get that looked at you know. You could be developing a chronic case of NoisyBastarditus."

Sirius reached for the nearest item - a tattered scarlet cushion from the sofa - and pitched it at Remus. He reflected - not for the first time - that Moony would make a bloody decent Keeper as Remus caught it neatly and tossed it back toward the sofa without bothering to look away from his book.

Sirius sighed and stalked over, slumping into the chair opposite Remus and pushing carefully organized books aside to bang his elbows decisively on the table, looking forlorn.

Remus sighed in return, his sounding much more genuine and less like a theatrical display of suffering. He obligingly put some books and papers on the floor and turned back to Sirius. One shaggy brow arched upward as he regarded the sulking figure opposite him. "What's got your knickers in a twist then? Amber Passens give you the slip again?"

"They're not in a twist, and no. Gave up on the silly bint - Evans says she's crushing on some slimy Slytherin prat. Obviously, the girl has no bloody taste. Not a decent looking on in the whole damned house - don't even think half of them qualify as human."

"Not everyone can have your astounding good looks, Sirius. Be kind to the less folliclely fortunate," Remus told him seriously.

Sirius nodded. "I am - so long as they're not useless, slithering Slytherins. I'm perfectly nice to other ugly people."

Remus snorted and shoved the topmost book of his stack forcefully into Sirius' arm. "Arrogant arse. Surprised your head fits through the portrait, it's so bloody swollen." He caught sight of Sirius' mouth opening and added with mock fierceness. "And you know which head I meant, you git, so just shut up."

Sirius stopped mid-word and scowled, rubbing with exaggerated pain at his elbow and giving Moony a look of deep hurt. Remus - as usual - ignored him. Sirius sighed and slumped back in his chair again, returning to the topic on a sudden whim. "James is a prat."

Remus glanced up again from his books. "How so? Aside from the obvious, of course."

"All he does is moon after Evans. Follow her around like a great spineless pup - er, stag. A great, useless, horned idiot with no discernible testicles. He - " Sirius broke off with a deep scowl as Remus began to laugh. "What is so damn funny?"

Remus gave a rare, wolfish grin. "You're jealous."

"I am not."

"You are so."

"I am NOT!" Sirius glared daggers at the still-grinning Remus. "I just don't like to see him make an idiot of himself."

"Best go blind then. And have you ever seen the definition of 'jealous'?" It's an adjective that denotes emotions of -"

"He's never bloody here Moony!" Sirius cut in fiercely. "He missed the full moon! The Full-Damned-Moon! He knows I need his help - what good is a bloody rat going to do if you -"

"Shut up!" Remus hissed, sobering rapidly. "Anyone could walk in while you're raving on and on - and you know what a gossip that gryffin portrait is!"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm not deaf - I'd have heard anyone coming in, and the gryffin's sleeping." He looked at bit apologetic, but said nothing. "But you see? He's falling to pieces!"

Remus sighed. "He's not. And we didn't have to go out when he missed the moon - if we had any sense we'd have stayed in the shack. Which I seem to remember suggesting."

Sirius gave him a stubborn stare. "You tear yourself into little wolf-bits when you have to stay in."

"And they patch me up again in the morning and it's all fine. Honestly, Sirius, you -"

"Honestly, Remus, he should have been there." Sirius mimicked Remus' voice with exaggerated flair and shrugged. "He's always sniffing 'round her skirts, leaving us to our own doings. It's not bloody right. You don't abandon your best blokes over a pair of green eyes."

Remus reached over and awkwardly patted Sirius' hand. "I miss him too. Now please shut up."

"Don't miss him. Just had enough. I'm tired of being left to amuse myself."

Remus frowned slightly. "What am I then? Unworthy of your time, you bigheaded prat?"

"Not what I meant and you know it. Your head's always buried in some book anyway - if you're not polishing that bloody badge. You never liked our games so well anyway - too full of conscience." Sirius emphasized the word 'conscience' turning into some strange sort of curse word. He sighed mournfully. "Alone in my immaturity. It's such a burden to be forced to misbehave enough for you and the lovebird as well. I don't know that I can take it anymore."

Remus shrugged but slanted a meaningful look toward Sirius. "Maybe you should lay down your burden - pass on the torch. There's a pair of second-years I caught jinxing the door to the Slytherin common room the other day - quite inventive too."

Sirius grinned. "And what would I do then? Crawl into a book like you?"

"Some of us have to study. We're not all naturally brilliant, but completely lacking in common sense, modesty, and basic hygiene, you know."

Sirius looked affronted. "My hygiene is impeccable."

"You smell like a dog."

"Do not."

"Do so."

"Well you usually smell like a moldy old book."

"Better than dog."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"So it is. But yours is, obviously, wrong." 

Sirius snorted at that and switched seamlessly back into his tirade. "Slytherins are getting bloody cocky. They know damn well James is otherwise occupied. Need to be taken down a few pegs - especially that greasy git Snape. Caught him staring at Evans and Prongs today. Think he's plotting something nasty."

"Maybe he just fancies Lily?" Remus had finally closed his book, obviously giving up for the time being.

"As if he had a chance with her! She's Prongs'!" Sirius gripped the edge of the table hard enough to bleed his knuckles white.

"Actually, I think she'd say she belonged to herself. And it was only a suggestion, Padfoot. Relax."

"It would be just like him though. He's probably brewing some love potion to give to Lily, just to get at James." Sirius jumped to his feet and began to pace rapidly along a short invisible path. "Slimy, conniving, Slytherin git!"

Remus buried his head in his hands and moaned. "It was only a SUGGESTION Sirius. And I was obviously mad. Ignore it."

Sirius ignored him, continuing to pace. "Think he knows about you, too. He's always trying to follow us, see where we go. Probably wants to steal Evans, reveal that you're a wolf, then get James and me expelled when we kill him."

Remus looked up, suddenly bone pale. "He knows?"

Sirius stopped dead and turned to face Remus, cursing softly. "Moony, I-"

Remus didn't seem to hear him. "The parents won't stand for my being here. I'll be sent home. I have to stop him. Maybe if I ask he won't tell . . ."

Sirius reached down impatiently to drag Remus' chin around to look at him. Remus fell silent and looked at him. Moony was no coward. Sirius had been with him through enough dangerous encounters - most of them his fault - to know that very well. Remus was hard to rattle, always calm and thoughtful. But Sirius saw a sudden, deep-seated fear shadowing his eyes. "Moony, I was just talking. He doesn't-"

"Do you really believe he doesn't know, Padfoot?"

Sirius hesitated and then nodded firmly. "I do."

Remus' eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you."

"Why?"

"Because you're not nearly as good a liar as you think you are. You always fuss with your hands when you lie, and you hold your breath afterward.

Sirius released his breath and frowned. "Liar."

"Better than you - if less practiced." Remus bit his lip faintly, and Sirius suddenly didn't have the heart to tell him that Remus was likely a much more practiced liar than him. After all, he had to live a lie once a month. Sirius realized belatedly that he still gripped the other boy's chin when his thumb started to stray toward the captured lip of its own accord, as if determined to free it. He pulled his hand away as Remus spoke, a rare note of timid hesitance in his voice. "Padfoot, what will we do if he tells? Dumbledore warned me - he can't protect me if I'm found out. I'd have to go back. And I'm only a year out, and my mum is so proud. I don't think-"

Sirius kissed him. He didn't know why. He'd never had the urge to before, but now he couldn't imagine why not. The lips beneath his were shocked and still at first, but rapidly turned soft and active. It was somewhat surprising to find reclusive Moony was a bloody brilliant kisser. A deceptively strong hand reached up to twine ink-stained fingers into his hair. He found, to his surprise, that his own hand had followed a similar path as the tentative kiss turned to something deeper, more dangerous, and more thrilling. The mouth he explored tasted of bitter coffee and sweet chocolate and something foreign and unique.

And then the mouth beneath his went stiff and still and pulled away as Remus spun hurriedly back to his books, skin flushing a bright red.

Disappointment battled with resentment for a brief moment. Then he became aware of three things. One, this awkward position was fast putting a serious crick in his back. Two, both he and Remus were panting like, well, dogs and his previously-established-as-untwisted-knickers were a great deal more confining at the moment. And third, the portrait was now swinging back closed.

He straightened and turned to face the newcomers, carefully avoiding looking at Remus' still-flushed face. James and Peter stood looking at them. There was a look of puzzled curiosity on James' face and a worrying expression of shrewd awareness on Wormtail's. James smiled sunnily. "What's going on? Amber Passens said you went stomping in here a bit ago, muttering my name. She said you didn't take her turning you down again at all well, either."

Sirius made a sound very close to a growl as Remus gave a choked-off noise of near laughter. He ignored Remus and leveled a finger at James. "You. Are. A. Prat."

"Right. Good to know. So what, exactly, is it that's twisting your knickers?" James, damn him, sidestepped easily, letting the book Sirius chucked at him fly by. Sirius stalked back out of the portrait hole, feeling more than seeing Remus answer James' drawled, "What's wrong with Padfoot," with a shrug.

James was unreal, no bloody idea how stupid he was being. And it was genuinely irritating how much effort it took to focus on James' undeniable idiocy rather than how much he wished he could taste Moony's mouth again.

He caught a glint of movement and scowled as he recognized Snape's beak-nosed countenance, the greasy snake-loving git. He knew about Remus? Was cocky enough to tail James through the hallways? (And what else would he be doing skulking around up here?)

James and Remus wouldn't help? Fine. He'd teach Snape. Scare the grease from his hair - maybe then he'd respect his obvious betters and bite his damned tongue.

He wanted to rat the wolf out, let him ask the wolf himself. Prongs could help him hold Moony back, and then they wouldn't have to worry anymore.

He doubted Moony would be happy, but then Moony was never happy with their plans, and it was for his own good. He forgot things when he was a werewolf anyway - maybe he wouldn't even remember. 

Sirius smiled at Snape as the other boy turned and beat a hasty exit, face blanching at Sirius' grin. Sirius chuckled to himself and then sobered. One problem solved. But there was still James. Oddly though, he still couldn't really think about that. His mind strayed to ink stained fingers in his hair and coffee and chocolate taste.

Well then. This was new.


End file.
